Posts by Big Tex

69

Our Stories and Why They Matter

by Farkel in

jw
friends

stories are perhaps the most important thing we can contribute to others in our short life on planet earth.. mind you, i am not saying that stories are the most important things in our lives, because they are not.

the most important things in our lives are experiences, which are moment-by-moment things.

the best we can do with our own experiences is to tell stories about them, which will never convey the actual living of them.

Big Tex

I'd like to write it before I die, because I am dying. Of emphysema.

Then you must. That's not a request. You have something to say and you owe it to yourself, more than anyone else, that what you have to say be said.

I am sorry Doug. On that day I will grieve. You are a barmy old curmudgeon. I wish we could have lured you down to one of the infamous Dallas apostafests back in the day. I've met literally hundreds of people from this board, you are someone I'd have liked to have shared a glass or three of single malt with and just had a good talk with.

So instead you can tell your story here. If you think stories don't matter, or don't live on, type in "Bill Bibbee" into Google. There you will a letter my ex wife wrote to the elders after his suicide. Stories do live on after we are gone. He's been gone for 8 years and yet a poignant part of his life story is there for anyone to see, and perhaps learn from.

Be well my friend,

Chris

69

Our Stories and Why They Matter

by Farkel in

jw
friends

stories are perhaps the most important thing we can contribute to others in our short life on planet earth.. mind you, i am not saying that stories are the most important things in our lives, because they are not.

the most important things in our lives are experiences, which are moment-by-moment things.

the best we can do with our own experiences is to tell stories about them, which will never convey the actual living of them.

Big Tex

Stories that are told can influence people and can change regimes and even history.

That they can. Stories that are told here on this board have influenced people and changed lives. I have seen it and heard from others.

Moreso in real life. We can learn and grow from others, so long as we are open to it.

Thanks for the thread Farkel.

Chris

21

1 year ago today they announced I was "no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses"

by confuzzled777 in

just thought i would share.

i am going out with my bff and a few other good friends for dinner, drinks and cards tonight!

looking forward to a night out with the "girls" who have been by my side since day 1. .

Big Tex

1 year ago today I felt as if it was the end of who I was as a person. Now I feel as if it is only the beginning of the person that I want to be.

It usually takes a year, sometimes two, to get past a major trauma in our lives. What you said is very wise. The first year is the hardest because of milestones, anniversaries, holidays and so on. It's difficult to drive past a restaurant and remember when you ate there with JW friends, stuff like that.

That becomes less and less the second year. The second year the dust has settled and you really begin to focus on you, your life and building it the way you want now, not the way they wanted. The second year there is more relaxing and letting go.

It's been 21 years since I left. If it means anything at this point, I rarely think about that life, field service, meetings and all those friends who meant so much to me then I can't even remember many of their names.

So healing does take place, you do build something new. Hopefully it's better and hopefully it's what you want. If it's not you can change, there's no time limit. You're in charge now.

Chris

20

Our first Christmas tree ! ta da

by troubled mind in

jw
friends

the last two yrs i had small porch type trees this year i went big !

it helps that i work in a gift store that has christmas yr round .

i have collected old world glass orn .

Big Tex

One of my favourite memories is our first Christmas.

Thanks for sharing.

60

Trying to Deal with MY Parental Guilt

by Lady Lee in

this is so hard for me.. my daughters don't want to talk about it.

they don't want to hear about the jws from their father.

and they don't want to hear about the jws from me.. they don't want to talk about it period.. they both seem to think i am stuck because i do talk about it.. the problem is partly that i can see just how stuck they are, especially the younger one who continues to fear armageddon is coming and has survival kits ready in her basement for when it comes - she showed me.

Big Tex

Wow just now saw this thread. There's a lot to deal with for a latecomer.

First Kristi I think I understand where you're coming from. In the abstract sense I agree with you. But I've known Lee know for 8 years. There are very few people I've known that have more courage to face the reality that is, rather than the reality that they would like it to be.

LL

When a situation or experience or relationship doesn't work out the way we expected, or even hoped, it is only natural, "normal" even, to feel a sense of guilt even failure. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that. To be honest what you felt is a healthy sign. It shows you are a mother who still cares. You still have feelings towards your children. Not all parents who have gone through what you have feel that way. Not every parent who comes out of that cult has the ability to feel the way you do. That you do says a great deal about how strong you are, how big of a heart you have and how much you truly do care. That is extraordinary.

Considering how many obstacles you've had put in your way, I find it amazing you can even start this thread. You have every reason to feel nothing but negative -- anger, bitterness, rage, shame, anxiety and so on. But you don't. Instead you feel love towards your children. You care. I hope you realize how incredible that is. It says a lot about you.

As for your children, they must deal with their own stuff just like you did. Except for them they will have you there. You hd no one. Now whether they choose to use such a valuable resource is about them. It's not about you.

Just realize that you did the best you could using the tools you had at the time, the knowledge you had at the time and the place you were at. Life is not about style points. Each of us has to make our own way. That includes your children. I remember telling my ex wife when we first talked about having children, that we're going to make mistakes. We're going to raise children who will hopefully grow up to be productive, healthy and happy adults, but we also have to know that they're going to be screwedup in some way. We all are. No one has the "perfect" childhood, or the "perfect" family, or the "perfect" marriage. I wish it were so.

Before you can help your children Lee, you must first forgive yourself. Just as I did, you made mistakes as a parent. Now is the time to forgive yourself. Own your mistakes, make right what you can and then let the rest go. Do this not just for you but for them.

You didn't ask but I think you are a great mother and a wonderful, giving and big hearted person. I am honored to know you.

Be well,

Chris

56

How Many People Are Still Happy That They Married Their Mate?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i know of someone that has made no bones about being somewhat unhappily married.

they got married because they "fooled around" and felt it was the "right thing to do".. i wonder how many people are unhappily married?

?.

Big Tex

27+ years ending in early March. The first 25 years were beyond glorious.

If you find the right person marriage is the most wonderful thing in this life. When I'm old and drooling in a nursing home somewhere I will remember how warm and safe it felt just to hold your woman in bed. No better feeling in the world.

Chris

20

Looking for online tv/movie streaming like netflix, etc.

by mamalove in

i have a sub to netflix, but i think it is a rip off.

they raised their prices and i am in the market to find some kind of website with a reasonable fee charged to view movies or tv shows only.

i don't need the dvd rental anymore.

Big Tex

This is really interesting. I've got Netflix, and I really like it, but I'm going to be moving and on my own.

So I'm looking at the Roku site and I'm a little confused. I get that you need a player and a wireless router but will I need to pay a subscription fee?

Thanks for the link!

Chris

22

This Could Turn the World Upside Down

by metatron in

jw
friends

http://pesn.com/2011/01/19/9501747_cold-fusion-journals_warming_to_rossi_breakthrough/.

if you've been following the "cold fusion" controversy, you may know how difficult it has been to get opponents to get their facts straight , as many of these blogs point out.

the reporting has not been fair, accurate or unbiased.. ok, so maybe "cold fusion" is entirely misleading - but clearly, something profound is happening, that the authorities are upset about.

Big Tex

The potential has always been enormous but just tantalizing out of reach. Harnessing the power of a star without its heat would be the breakthrough of all time. Yes it could very easily change our world and hopefully for the better. I used to think hydrogen was the promising power source of the future. Not so much anymore.

I don't know, either way though even if a solution popped up now it will still take a few decades to change our infrastructure.

46

I Joined The YMCA

by minimus in

jw
friends

i hope i don't get disfellowshipped for playing raquetball..

Big Tex

It's fun to stay at the YMCA

195

Is Forgiveness Overrated?

by leavingwt in

jw
friends

.

is forgiveness overrated?.

if i'm being completely honest with myself, there is a short list of folks who i haven't forgiven.

Big Tex

If I'm being completely honest with myself, there is a short list of folks who I haven't forgiven. What do you think?

There was a time I answered topics like this with a belief more cenetered than where I am now.

Having said that, I do not believe forgiveness means one must literally forgive the offender. In my belief system, there are some offenses so egregious pardoning the offender becomes almost irrelevent.

However, my belief system also says that a deeper, more subtle aspect of forgiveness is much more important. It is forgiving oneself. If you have been the victim of a hideous crime, or an incredible hurt, it is absolutely necessary to own how you feel about what was done to you, or what you experienced. Forgiveness, in this sense, means allowing yourself to really feel the entire spectrum of the stages of grief and to allow yourself to feel so badly, like such a sack of shit, so you can get past it.

This is what forgiveness, to me at least, means. It's not about literally forgiving the offender, it is much more about allowing yourself to heal. Sort of forgiving yourself, in a way. Not that you did anything "wrong", but again there are some pains that are so great you've just got to let yourself feel really bad, until you don't feel bad anymore. You get to the other side and you forgive the experience.

I've been through it twice, I'm going through it again. It sucks big time but for real healing to take place, in my opinion, forgiveness is absolutely necessary. Otherwise you're doomed to either be stuck in the hell of the pain of what happened, or you'll repeat the behaviors over and over. Forgiveness is about learning how to move on.

At least in my poor brain.

Be well,

Chris